my phone needs a breathalizer
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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