Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
