did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
This toilet bowl is my home.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
