The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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