My nipple is on Facebook.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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