new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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