dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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