Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
