im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
