My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
