why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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