there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Ketchup is God's man juice
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
