if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
