last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
is wine microwaveable?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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