I wanna bring you to show and tell
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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