thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm getting married
To pizza
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
