I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
