He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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