every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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