I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
