i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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