How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
