you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
