I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Randomize
