literally had 100 drinks last night.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
