woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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