Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
