I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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