Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
