Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
