Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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