That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
