we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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