the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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