Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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