I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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