I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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