almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
