My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
