jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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