She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
