I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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