oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We have so much sex to catch up on
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
