Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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