K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You're a waste of cheezeits
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
