the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Randomize
