Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
you had me at cake vodka
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
