Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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