you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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