The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
