saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
