tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
