There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Farmville is her only friend.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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