just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
