I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Randomize
