I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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