Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
