she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
